Episode 2 - Why Did I Cheat? Getting Honest with Yourself

By: Judith Nisenson

Certified Betrayal Trauma Coach

The question comes fast for almost every woman who’s crossed a line: “Why did I cheat?” In this episode, Judith takes you deeper than surface-level answers like loneliness, boredom, or “it just happened.”

If you have betrayed someone you love, the question will show up sooner or later.

Why did I cheat?

It can be tempting to give the quick answers. Maybe you’ve told yourself it was a mistake, you were lonely, or it didn’t mean anything. But when the damage hits and your life begins to unravel, those answers often don’t hold up.

Understanding why you cheated is not about making excuses. It is about understanding yourself clearly and without denial. It is about facing the parts of you that made this choice possible.

The Truth Behind the Choice

Most women do not betray because they are cold or cruel. Something in them was already unraveling. Sometimes it starts quietly, with an unmet need, a disconnection you could not name, or resentment you thought you had buried. Sometimes it starts even earlier, in childhood, in past relationships, or in patterns of survival you learned long ago.

Cheating does not happen in a vacuum. It happens when you are out of alignment with yourself. When you have been silent too long. When you lose your voice, your identity, or your sense of worth. And sometimes it happens when you stop caring. When something inside you shuts down and crossing a line feels easier than facing what you have been avoiding.

The Deeper Question

The real question is not just why you cheated. It is, what made betrayal feel like an option?

Were you chasing something or escaping something? Were you trying to feel alive, to be seen, to be wanted? Was it about control, revenge, or something you still have not named?

This is not about your partner’s actions or the state of your relationship. Whatever was missing, betrayal was not the answer. But it was the choice you made. Until you can name why, you will keep spinning in the same patterns.

Naming the Truth

Some women betray from emptiness. Others from entitlement. Some from exhaustion. Some from such deep disconnection that they stop recognizing themselves. None of it makes the choice okay, but all of it needs to be named.

You cannot build something new on top of lies, especially the ones you tell yourself. If you are still saying it just happened, or it did not count, or it was not that bad, you are not being fully honest. If you are still blaming the relationship or saying you had no choice, you have not gone deep enough.

Honesty begins when you stop talking and start listening to what your body and your story are trying to tell you.

Ask yourself:

• What was I longing for?

• Where was I disconnected?

• What did I believe I would get by crossing that line?

• What truth was I avoiding?

You may not answer it all today. But you have to be willing to ask.

Owning Your Part

You do not have to carry your betrayal forever, but you do have to own it. That means taking full responsibility, not just for what you did, but for what was happening inside you when you made that choice.

This is how trust is rebuilt. Not with empty promises or surface-level changes, but with truth.

You did not do this by accident. There was a reason, even if it is still buried under years of hurt, silence, and self-protection. Getting honest is not about shame. It is about clarity and growth. It is about knowing who you were when you crossed that line so you can decide who you want to be now.

You do not need to be perfect. But you do need to tell the truth.

If you are ready to take the next step in your own healing, visit womenswrk.com to learn more about the work I do with women who have been the betrayer.

All material provided in this blog is for informational purposes only. Direct consultation of a qualified provider should be sought for any specific questions or issues. Use of this material in no way constitutes professional services or advice.